10 Things I've Learned After Having a Son

Oden James Smith arrived at 6:42pm on May 14th. I knew I would never be "ready" for kids and Oden reaffirmed that opinion. I had never changed a diaper or even held an infant for more than five minutes prior to his arrival. Yet, here I stood with my newborn son and a lifetime of experiences ahead of me. It's been six weeks since his birth, but the memories and the lessons learned have sent Ashley and I into a time warp of emotions, schedule changes and newfound priorities. Through this process we've learned quite a bit about ourselves, life and others. I expect to add many more lessons and even edit a few, but this list pretty much sums up the top 10 things I've learned. In no particular order....

1. Slow down. I've quickly learned the pace of my life is not appropriate for leading a family. I have allowed myself to let work and social schedules to control my day to day living. This has turned my days to weeks and weeks to months. I can't afford to let the speed of my life leave my family in my dust.

2. Capture those moments. Mental pictures are great, but my memory is far too limited to capture and remember the details. Small things, such as Oden smiling, laughing or even hiccuping, mean too much for me to take for granted. I'm no longer concerned with being the dad who always post pictures. Special moments deserve special attention. If I ever question if a moment is picture worthy, I go ahead and take the picture because I know I'll never get that chance again.

3. It's OK to let my priorities change. Honestly, I felt really guilty when Oden first came home. Certain objects and priorities instantly became neglected and new priorities slid into place. A prime example is our dog Bella. As silly as it sounds, we really love our dog. But when Oden came through the front door, our priorities shifted. Our organizational standard, the time we devoted to certain personal hobbies, our lunch and dinner routines were all changed. We had to learn to be ok with rearranging our priority list. (Btw, Bella is not neglected)

4. Grow Up. Becoming a dad brings an instant maturation process. Mainly in the area of time and attention. Extended family and friends tend to be more excited about seeing the beautiful baby boy than  seeing me. I had to learn to be ok with these new guidelines. I had to learn that I can resign my position as King of the Universe. By growing up, I had to replace selfishness behavior with compassion and humility. (see #7)

5. It's your baby, so it's your choice. In the world of parenting there seems to be some unwritten rule about competition. Whether parents choose formula, cloth diapers or fast food stops, judgement should be withheld entirely. It's not a competition and as long as the child is healthy, preferences shouldn't cause attacks. I believe we can all agree that it gets overwhelmingly annoying when people become instant experts on your child. Parents are allowed to make choices for their children based on what's best for their family.

6. I've become much more patient with other people's children. Oden has taught me a lot about the needs of children. I used to joke about crying babies, but now I can empathize with parents. It's a tough task to carry newborns through everyday routines. I will now stop and think before I crack a joke about crying babies or misbehaving children.

7. Parenthood is a constant lesson in humility. Nothing will knock you off your proverbial high horse like projectile vomit or exploding diapers. We always need those moments that bring us back to reality and parenthood is full of them.

8. Be intentional. The idea of raising another human being is quite scary. I really hope my lifestyle doesn't accidentally teach Oden habits that could be destructive. As Oden grows, he will watch and study me. I want to make sure he discovers a dad that lives on purpose. I want Oden to be taught biblical principles, healthy habits and practical wisdom because he saw it practiced at home.

9. Your time is not your own. Your schedule becomes your child's schedule. Every single decision and action is now based on the needs of your child. This serves as a refreshing reminder of the value of time. Ashley and I embrace the moments we can spend together as a family and we've learned how to put our needs behind our son's needs. It's a tough lesson but extremely necessary.

10. Our marriage matters even more now. I value my marriage more now than I ever have. I can't allow a child to weaken the bond between Ashley and I. It's easy to pour your focus on a brand new baby and neglect that marriage that allowed Oden to join this world. Ultimately, a healthy marriage is the best thing for our son and future children.